Today is 16 on the nose. For the most part I feel pretty good physically - a few gags here and there and some degree of tiredness - but a whole world away from what it was 6-8 weeks ago.
Emotionally I am still battling with the what if's and insecurities... still not over the edge of allowing myself to completely fall in love with this amazing child that is growing inside of me. Too scared to let myself go completely I guess... I know the risks are small now, I know the odds are overwhelming in our favour that this little one will arrive safe and sound in January... but... what if...
I question how I am growing or not growing, how I feel or don't feel. There are so many women at about the same number of weeks I am with these pronounced and perfect little bellies - I just look like a sausage. We ended up re-ordering the doppler because my retarded insecurities got the best of me and I needed it back... so the HB is still going strong and moving all over the place. I have felt a few flutters or movements in the past week or so - but they are still soft and inconsistent.
I guess at this point the only thing the medical community looks for is a HB - that's all they check in the office. So I take comfort in that... just really looking forward to the Level II scan next week to see that things are measuring on track.
:/
1 comment:
I know the fear of which you write. I promised MTB and myself that I would not use the doppler everyday, but every evening, I think "what if" and I always do it. Is it strange that I can always find it in the same place? It doesn't seem to move around a lot (meaning from one side of my tummy to another).
As for your tummy, I think you should be proud! From what I've been told, it just means that your ab muscles were in great shape before pregnancy, and it's a good thing!
Wow - I can't believe that you can feel your little one already!!
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