Saw the feeding specialist this morning again with Amelia. After what I thought was a great feeding at 5:45 this AM... her 9:00 session left a lot to be desired. As I have been suspecting and saying - the real issue with Amelia and her (lack of) eating is all related to suck. Most babies have a suck burst of maybe 15, 18 or 20 - meaning suck, swallow, breathe, suck, swallow, breathe without pause. Amelia has a burst of about 3 as per the pathologist we saw this am. Three ain't gonna put the weight on. She does suck, suck, swallow - fall asleep.
This is without doubt the most difficult thing I have ever been through, and the most frustrating 4.5 weeks of my life. I am not exactly ready to give up yet - but I am very disenchanted and just depressed about the whole situation. I think if it were apparent that she was thriving any better when consuming pumped milk out of a bottle, I'd have long ago thrown in the towel on breastfeeding - but since there is little or no difference on how she does with a bottle relative to me - then what the hell. Guess there is still a chance that she and I can figure this out.
At times, her feedings seem to be so good - she is hungary and interested and does what she needs to do. It's just that they are so few and far between... there is no regular, consistent experience for her to remember and make habit of.
She's snoozing now in her seat, and I think I'll take advantage and try to grab a few zzz's myself. Everything always seems better after a nap... maybe this will improve too.
1 comment:
I feel your pain. I guess I just have to accept that my supply will never be enough for my baby and just hope that what I can give her is doing some good. I read recently that some pedi suggested that the baby needs at least 4 ounces a day to get any benefit from breastmilk... I'm afraid that I'm not even producing that much. (more tears today because I want this so much.)
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