The Rant I Couldn't Post Yesterday Because it Was His BIRTHDAY...

In November before our Thanksgiving trip to the mountains we bought Matt a new winter coat - nice, Lands End Squall.  It wasn't hugely expensive, but enough. 

He lost it (claimed...) the Friday before we left for Florida in December.  He thought it was left on the bus, so we called the school, transportation - friends that have kids that ride that express bus - anyone - begging them to please look for his new, warm winter coat.

But it was gone. 

So in January - we order the same coat (he really liked it) again, and he pays for $25 of it (half the replacement cost).  Every day that he got off that bus I made him show me the jacket. 

Fast forward to this past Saturday.  We're getting ready to go to Kids Together Park in Cary to meet Stephanie and her husband Dave and their son Ryder - NO COAT.  HE HAS LOST HIS SECOND WINTER COAT IN SIX EFFING WEEKS.

I mean - I am SO EFFING MAD IT'S CRAZY.  He doesn't really seem to bothered even - that's the WORST part.  Like what the hell kind of mother am I to be raising a child that doesn't seem to care that his SECOND WINTER COAT IS GONE???

I definitely remember him wearing it to the doctor at the end of January when he was ill.  I distinctly recall it being on him while we picked up our TV at Sears - so that was right before Super Bowl.  I knew he did NOT have it when the kids visited the House of Estrogen - he had his soccer jacket.  So somewhere between Superbowl and last Saturday - another coat vanishes.

I insist that he turn the house upside down looking for it.  I call Ken in case it's in the truck... friends that he has had playdates with - it's nowhere.

So Matthew asks me "what will my punishment be?" and I replied with "nothing.  I am done.  It doesn't matter what we do or what we don't do - you continue to not care or take personal responsibility for YOUR things, so I am done".

He is in shock - because this is worse than any kind of punishment.  There is no closure, and nothing he can really do to make it better.  I am feeling worse and worse because this is not stellar parenting - I am pretty sure I'm doing everything wrong - so I just walked away to collect myself and halt the conversation. 

See kids?  It's not always pretty.  It definitely, definitely SUCKS some days... it gets spun up SO fast and you lose control so quickly over the situation.  I mean I know I had every reasonable right to be pissed about the lost coat - but I *should* have been able to diffuse better.  Granted - he should also care more.

We left and went on our playdate with new friends (which was probably the best thing that could have happened).  By evening I have chilled out some, but we're pulling together his birthday stuff to celebrate on Sunday so I am again feeling conflicted!!!  (Hey!  Lose your coat!  But here's a NEW BIKE!!??  I am inside out about this...)  Ken is a huge help and talking me through the 10 year old boy mindset versus the 39 year old mom mindset...

Monday morning I march Matthew into school to have him look in the lost and found for his jacket.  We head down the hall and start digging in - I take one side, he takes the other.  I find nothing on my side, and he doesn't see his replacement coat on his side either... but what do I NOTICE???

THE FIRST COAT.  The original that was lost in December is sitting RIGHT THERE in the lost and found.

OMG.

So - we're even again in jacket land.  It needs a good cleaning - but at least we have it back.  Now to find the 2nd one...

How do you teach personal responsibility?  What works?  Anyone??